Long-time readers of this blog (Hi Mum!), will recall I waged an extended war with my thyroid having contracted Grave’s disease. I won the final battle with the over-excited little bugger more than two years ago, by swallowing a radioactive iodine pill which killed off a substantial portion of the gland; but of course there were repercussions.

At first, output from the thyroid became even more violent as the dying parts vomited out into my bloodstream. Then the activity died down and we waited to see what would happen. Would what was left of my thyroid operate sufficiently, would it stagger along weakly, or would it die off completely? For more than a year I went to see my doctor in Bangkok and we monitored activity in search of an answer to these questions. There were fluctuations; but the overall message was that the thyroid was almost coping but not quite. In the end, I decided to put myself on a small daily dose of thyroid hormone to help things along. I then forgot about my thyroid for a year or more.

You can debate the current relevance of Leica in this age of massively competent digital cameras, but there is no denying the heritage. In 1925, the firm of Ernst Leitz marketed the first Leica camera; which used film based on 35mm film stock and was therefore able to be much smaller than other cameras on the market. The camera was designed by Oskar Barnack and his design was improved over the years and became the camera to use for reportage and street photography. The last camera designed by Barnack (who died in 1936) was the Leica III, and versions of this camera continued to be sold into the 1950s.

During the second world war, Leitz produced cameras specifically for the German armed forces, and a verified Luftwaffe model is extremely collectable, like this Leica IIIC:

I hate rented jet skis, having been nearly killed by muppet riders on a number of windsurfing occasions. I also have little interest in jet ski racing, as everyone seems to be running on a different course and I consequently have no idea who is winning; and even if I did I wouldn’t care.

But every year I make the long trek (ten minutes by car) to Jomtien and spend an hour pointing a camera at the King’s Cup event.

It’s about as much fun to photograph as it is to watch. The damn things spend half their time submerged in spray, the sun is always in an inconvenient place in the sky, and there are limited places on the beach to take shots. Still, I am still in the honeymoon period with the new Olympus 40-150mm lens; so I got my feet sandy this morning.

Same applies to taking photos in our house…

This morning, she who must be obeyed decided she would like to rise early and cook some food for the monks at the local temple. This part did not involve me so I continued to slumber; but was soon roused from my sleep to act as driver. We spent half an hour pursuing monks around the neighbourhood until all the food supplies had been handed out; then returned home to discover a snake in the bushes outside the house.

This freaked out my wife on two levels. First was her immense fear of snakes,, not helped by the fact that I insisted on taking a close-up look. But she was also convinced that our house was guarded by a snake spirit, and here was a snake showing itself just after she had given alms to monks! How amazing was that?

We both rushed into the house on separate missions. Me to grab my camera and she to grab incense sticks and an offering for the unwitting guardian. I hurried down the garden path to get a photo and discovered too late that she had placed twelve eggs across the path as an offering; and now there were only eight.

With a slightly soggy right shoe continued my journey and got my shot.

Whilst hunting macro locations, I came across this:

I always feel a little sorry for mobile phone designers who presumably spent late nights designing their phones to be of a size that perfectly fits in the average hand, and have a casing and screen which are designed to withstand a reasonable amount of punishment. All of this means nothing to the average consumer who, immediately on purchase, swaddles the phone in a hideous plastic case adorned with pieces of fluff and cartoon characters; and sticks a piece of plastic on the back to “protect” the screen which is already constructed of industrial strength glass and resistant to all wear unless attacked by a diamond.

We camera users are little better. Many of us, myself included, swaddle our cameras in expensive cases (often more for looks than protection), and the rear screens have some form of flat Durex applied at the time of purchase.

There is some rationale for the latter. If your camera is to spend its working life draped round your neck, then the rear screen is going to come under constant attack from buttons, zips and other assorted metal work in the area of your ample belly. A replaceable protector is a probably a good idea. So much so that the camera shop will probably fit a new one for you free of charge when you buy your camera. The good news is that the protector is free and the sales assistant is able to fit these things without having a nervous breakdown, the bad news is that it is invariably shit; unless you like viewing your creations through a semi-opaque rainbow-tinted fog.

So, after a while, you buy a better one via the web and it arrives in your mail and you ignore it for at least a week. The reason being that these things are almost impossible to affix with any degree of success. The man in the shop can do it while talking to his friend on the phone and watching a Thai soap on the in-store TV; but you, you with your university education and your honed reflexes and your innate sense of superiority; you are bloody useless (at least I am, maybe because I never actually went to university).

There are three main problem areas: alignment, bubbles and fluff (good name for a band). You have to start at one end of the screen, and it is impossible to tell at the start whether the thing is straight; but you can be sure it isn’t. So you have to keep lifting it and re-positioning it until finally it is aligned. It is only then you discover that it is peppered with air bubbles which, vicious bastards that they are, refuse to move when squeezed; so you have to lift the damn thing again and try and get rid of them. Finally, finally, you have a properly aligned, bubble-free fitting; but by this time you have lifted and moved the protector so many times that there are pieces of fluff stuck between it and the screen; even though you have tried to this in a dust-free room, with your wife and the cat having only having breezed in twice to see what you were up to.

It’s at this point that your rip the stupid thing off your screen, throw it away, and pop down to the camera shop to have the smug bastard behind the counter fit another crappy one for you.

Which was pretty much my situation until I received an email from Expert Shield. They had seen Pattaya Days, knew I had an E-M1, had heard rumours of my enormous genitals; and as a result they wanted to send me one of their screen protectors for review. (Leica, Olympus etc.; if you are reading this, please do likewise).

I had heard of their product because reader Kevin had banged on about their customer service some months ago:

Can’t praise their service enough. When I first bought mine, the guy I spoke to asked me if I wanted the anti glare or clear. I told him the clear and he said tell you what, I’ll send you a free anti glare one to try as well. It was fine also but I preferred the clear out of the two. Today when I spoke to him I mentioned that I had two small bubbles under the shield but it was caused by me trapping two minute dust particles underneath. Wasn’t sure if lifting it would harm the shield so lived with it.

Asked him if I could lift it up and remove dust without harming the shield. He told me how to do it by lifting a corner with wide tape and using wide tape again lift any dust of the inside of the shield. He went onto say, that he was also sending me a free replacement for the one with the dust issue as they were lifetime guarantee. I again said it really wasn’t a complaint with the shield but although he agreed with me he still insisted I accept his kind offer which I have done.

That sounded positive, so I checked out their website to find that as well as selling stick-on gubbins, they have a sense of humour. My sort of company. Plus they claimed that their product was easy to fit which was exactly what Mr. Can’t-Put-Things-On-Straight-In-A-Cloud-Of-Dust needs.

So I had the Pattaya Days Media Relations Department reply in the affirmative (I sent them a mail saying “yes”), and in no time I received a rather smart box wherein lay two protectors and cloth for wiping away my tears after I fucked things up. Apparently only top reviewers like wot I am receive the fancy boxes, although mere minions like you may get one at Xmas time (allegedly).

Never fear mere minion; the small packet contains everything your need, the protector and a little cleaning cloth:

To learn how to apply it, you turn to the back of the packet where help can be found. This may be the only time where the words “Marmite” and “muffin” appear together in a set of technical instructions…

Right, time to get this thing attached to my E-M1. I go overboard on the “slightly steamy bathroom” idea by running a hot shower for far too long in a room that is already hot and humid. The result is “sauna” and I feel it is appropriate to therefore strip to my underpants before proceeding. You would do well not to visualise this.

Plunging almost naked into a world of steam, I clean off the camera screen with the little cloth and check that no stubborn dust remains whilst simultaneously ensuring I do not drip sweat onto the target surface. Next comes the clever bit.

I partially peel off the first protective mask and then attempt to align the protector on the screen. This is not easy and several attempts are required before alignment is achieved and I can lay the protector across the screen. It’s properly aligned; but there are the inevitable air bubbles between the protector and the screen. Previously, this has required me to partially or completely pull back the protector to try and remove them; at which point armies of dust particles would descend and stick to the screen, and/or the protector would come off completely and I would have to start all over again. But with the Expert Shield, all I had to do was press with my finger and push the bubbles out of the side. Almost time for a muffin!

The final step is to peel off the second mask on the outside of the protector:

Eager to try out me new 40-150mm lens, I arise at the break of dawn (0700) and make my way to the Thai Polo Club where there are rumours of a horse jumping competition. Took a while to find it, and after an hour I had had enough due to the rapidly rising temperatures (it is like April here at the moment); but got enough shots to convince me this is one pretty special lens.

I signed off my last post with a mention of buffalo racing the following day. The racing no doubt went ahead; but I spent the day in bed courtesy of a massive head cold and have had a very pleasant week since, snorting into tissues and coughing assorted shit out of my lungs. Joy.

Still, there have been some high spots. First was a meeting with genuinej. Always good to catch up with him; and he was kind enough to bring a big bag of Twiglets with him as a gift. Future visitors please note. Unfortunately, she who must be obeyed has decided she likes them too, so they are disappearing more rapidly than I would like.

Next up was a sniffle-ridden trip to Bangkok via bus to collect my car which had required a windscreen replacement courtesy of a git in a truck who had decided to drive right next to the barrier on the elevated expressway and thus unleash a blizzard of stones, one of which hit my screen and initiated a massive crack. As we were on our way to the BMW dealer for a 3,000 kilometre check at the time, we had the check and then filled out the necessary form for the insurance to replace the screen. Then it was a two week wait for a new screen from Germany, and a four day install due to the complexity of the various sensors attached to the screen. Expect that was my insurance premium more than paid for, not that I paid for it in the first place as it came with the car. Anyway, good to have the car back to 100% and I looked forward to a spirited drive home which didn’t happen because my wife was with me…

Then there was more sniffing and coughing for the remainder of the week.

Things improved, a lot, this morning with the arrival of a parcel. No, not a new consignment of Twiglets; this:

There is much to do and see this weekend in Pattaya.

You can battle the crowds and watch the firework festival. You can choke on fumes and enjoy the drift racing championship. You can go and watch assorted horse related events at the Thai Polo Club. Or you can go and buy a boat.

The boat show is being held, fittingly, at the Marina south of Jomtien and we popped in their briefly this morning before returning home to wait for my lens to arrive.

There were boats on the water, boats on the land, and assorted outlets selling the sort of things that people who can afford boats like to buy.